Ahh Yes: The Milano Cookie
A while back I got into the habit of reading random items from the grocery store in a sultry, vaguely british voice. My friend Waffles who owns the voice recorder I’ve been abusing took it upon herself to make a little remix. I think it works pretty well.
Link: The Milano Cookie
July 1, 2009 - 6:10 am
That was beautiful. I actually downloaded it. Now I have both the Lambert boys on my iPawd. Now if only you had the voice of sensual Alan Rickman… yours is sufficiently horny-making, you should be proud.
July 2, 2009 - 7:57 pm
hm very interesting
July 3, 2009 - 6:48 pm
ha i cant get enough of this!
~~very very funny if i say so~~
you are just plain awsome!
–i dont know what else to say about you other than that youre just plain awsome!–
also love your blogs-you are one interesting dude!
July 3, 2009 - 8:19 pm
You need to make an unofficial commercial for those now
July 6, 2009 - 3:33 pm
I actually just bought some cookies at walmart. I hadn’t had any of those kind in forever. And as I got them I kept hearing that clip in my mind and I was smiling and laughing all through walmart.
August 5, 2009 - 4:30 pm
I hope you’re still reading your comments, because two things happened to me in the past day that I really want to share with you.
First, you should know that I have terrible eating habits and miserable time management skills. Throughout my life, I have never had time to eat a decent breakfast. Instead, I stock up on high-carb treats that are full of preservatives, thus requiring no special storage and no preparation time, and keep them in my office. My typical “breakfast” is tea and cookies. At the moment, I have four bags of Pepperidge Farm cookies, several varieties (some Milanos, naturally), in the cabinet above my desk. Although they are turned sideways, because I want to know at a glance what type is in each package, I have the side with the cookies’ names facing out. This morning, I opened my cabinet and saw, “The Art of the Cookie™,” times four. Immediately, a wave of true sadness washed over me. Weird. I LOVE cookies! I realized in that moment that I deeply, honestly… MISS you. WTF is that about? I am a grown woman with a real life of my own (mundane, sure, but I’m cool with that – I like my life). I don’t know you – and I KNOW I don’t know you, which I realize isn’t a given. When did you become a treasured old friend that I feel wistful when I haven’t heard from you in a while? This realization is a bit troubling, but also exciting.
Last night, I attended the Idols Live show at the Verizon Center in DC. I was among screaming fans of all ages, many of whom believe they have emotional connections with the performers. I don’t feel that way, and I didn’t go to the concert for that. The show is very good and I really enjoyed it, but those people up on the stage were strangers to me and I fully expect they always will be. Their job is to entertain me and I am paying them to do so – it’s an entirely commercial relationship, which is what I expect and desire. But, there was one MOMENT, one flash of recognition…
At the very end of the show – the final song – Adam was at the front of the stage, dancing and sort of goofing around with Kris Allen. At that moment, he was focused more on Kris than on the crowd and he had a really warm smile on his face – he might even have been laughing (as much as one can laugh and sing). He looked like a real person. For one split-second, I felt a little shock and I thought to myself, “Hey! That guy is Neil’s brother.”
I realize that you may assume that I am just blowing smoke. I hope that I convey both my sincerity and my total amazement.
August 19, 2009 - 9:09 pm
Not gonna lie, this kinda scared me a bit. But for some reason I found myself listening to it 4 times in a row which kinda scared me even more…then, when I went shopping today I oddly found myself in the Pepperidge Farm section which freaked me out so I ran in the other direction and purchased animal crackers just to prove to myself I didn’t need the “cookie temptation”. But now I have a box animal-shaped cookies which I don’t even particularly like.
I’m also thinking that a voice-over in an manatee documentary may be in your near future, just need to rev up that accent a bit…
August 26, 2009 - 10:25 pm
Okay, today I broke down and bought Milanos…my excuse was they were on sale…
August 28, 2009 - 2:13 pm
I am still working through the six packages of Pepperidge Farm cookies I mentioned above, and I wanted to share this:
“Deep, dark chololate and refreshing raspberry flavor intermingle under cover of darkness…There’s a whole world of Milano cookies out there…Try them all and expand your horizons!”
August 28, 2009 - 8:04 pm
Weird. I only had FOUR bags (two are left) and I swear I typed “four”. I have NO ideal how “six” got there. “Six” is not a defensible typo for “four”. I cannot explain this.
August 30, 2009 - 8:52 pm
My first thought was this is gonna be cheesy as hell. So I mean it when i say it was actually good and not in a ’so bad it’s good’ way either, ha. It reminded me of a singer I sorta can’t stand (his name eludes me right now) so how much could I love it really? But it was still very entertaining. And I think you gave me something fun to do in the grocery store now too. Or maybe I’ll just continue to race through like I’m running a marathon so I can get the hell out of there sooner. Actually, I’m gonna start using my supermarket’s online shopping services so I can avoid it altogether and still be lady of the house all without leaving it. Sometimes I love the internet so so much.
You totally turned me on… to Milano cookies. Shame we don’t have them here. We probably do, I just don’t linger in the aisles long enough to look. My mantra is ‘grab and get out’. It comes from going with my Mum for years and spending no less than 2 hours in the produce aisle squeezing avocados with the instruction “Not too firm, not too soft”. I never got it right and the whole place knew about it. “SQUEEZE YOUR BOOB AND SQUEEZE THE AVOCADO. IF IT FEELS THE SAME, IT GOES IN THE BAG! I THOUGHT YOU WERE INTELLIGENT!” Right.
I wonder if anybody has ever called the hotline on the back of the packages and WHY!? Then again, there’s so many morons, so why NOT.
September 7, 2009 - 11:49 pm
more more!!! idk how i even found your site (probably while searching for type o negative) but i am addicted! ive been here for about 3 hours and driving my family nuts reading half of it out loud. i love this mp3 thing seriously a lot i think i listened to it enough to have memorized it.
now after that amazing cookie orgasm,
can i floss my teeth with your pubic hair?
hahahahahahaha!
jk xoxoxo!
~alexia
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August 14, 2010 - 11:00 am
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September 5, 2010 - 12:16 pm
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September 5, 2010 - 1:45 pm
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May 2, 2009 - 11:59 am
@Kennedy
No, you didn’t do that.